Dear February…

February—from me to you.

I loved February, and there’s little more to say, but one of the things it taught me is how many ways I can say it.

A song I like is called ‘Comfortable’ by Alessia Cara and it’s about that stage in a relationship where you feel like you’ve known all there is to know about each other, it’s not the honeymoon phase anymore,

February felt like that to me.

It was comfortable and easy,

I still had my monthly realization and almost breakdown,

But it felt like home.

Maybe because I was home,

Maybe because I got things I thought I wanted, only to realize that they might no longer be what I need.

February reminded me to step back into my skin, fully.

I’ve been running from the deeper parts of my mind, because I needed to for a bit; but somehow, I was ready to come back, because what goes on in my head and heart no longer overwhelms me or worries me.

I found my voice again in many ways, and I only did by relearning to do things for myself,

I got an opportunity to truly feel the difference between who I was and who I am now because of Christ.

I feel like some part of me has always known that things were new,

But feeling it? Seeing how the measure has changed? It felt like painting the Mona Lisa.

Dear February, if I could paint, you would be strokes of pastels—a simple flower maybe— but the kind that you’ve never really appreciated until a specific moment.

It seems cliche to say, but I loved you in the way one can only love the month of love.

It felt like I had just been brought back to life with a new level of certainty.

I’ll miss all that you were, and hope that all the months that follow bring a new kind of magic, but one that reminds me of you,

Because you reminded me that love sometimes is letting go.

You showed me that love is choosing myself and finding the ability to choose others in that.

Love is being a little shameless, because you know that in those moments, all that matters is you and who you love.

Love, at the right time, with the right people is being free.